I know that I already posted this, its just that I really want feedback. I will be entering this poem into the MA science poetry contest. So please give me your constructive criticism. I want my poem to be perfect when I enter it.
The orchestra of the storm booms in victory over its arch enemy sunlight. The violins of swaying trees and the cellos of creaking trees are joined by the loud timpani of falling trees.
Deep gray storm clouds push away the sunlight rudely dismissing it as inferior.
Bright lightning flashes, splitting the spines of frail tress roughly apart. Boom! The ground shakes as the weeping willow falls on to the soft spongy ground.
The willow is not the only one weeping; a mother bird sings a lamentation at the sight of the circle of twigs that has been crushed under the heavy trunk of the willow.
The sadness of beautiful songs that will never be sung.
A mural of rain paints the soggy sky adding more to the symphony of the storm.
The storm slowly becomes dormant once again waiting for the right moment to strike once more.
Ok...you really want some constructive criticism...
ReplyDeleteHere is just a little thing. Maybe, in the second to last stanza you should have the last two words be something other than "The storm" because the first words in the next stanza are "the storm".